My thoughts are not your thoughts, Oh God!

Popa has been sick since July of 1991. The beginning years were difficult emotionally because we were so impacted by the diagnosis. The middle years were traversed with caution but with gladness of heart. Popa was able to see the girls married, the grandchildren delivered, and our confidence in God grow. These last few years have been more difficult, emotionally we have been able to walk the tight rope, spiritually we have grown in our knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, but physically we've seen a decline almost daily. The confession of our faith has been strong. I have marvelled down through the years at Popa's ability to dwell on the healing rather than the disease. I have had many thoughts of late, what is God's ultimate plan for Popa, should or would God really take away both the Popas' of two precious little boys, and what is my role in all of this? Good questions, there are no answers. I have finally been able to place my beloved husband in the hands of the Lord. I will trust God to do that which HE desires. I cannot worry about whether my thougths are pure, holy, or emotional...I can only commit them to the Lord. Popa was devastated to hear that blindness was eminent unless a miracle took place. He loves to read the word of God and all the spiritual books he can find. He cannot imagine not being able to enjoy God's beauty on his motorcylce. How does one traverse through illness without growing bitter or weary? I do not know the answers to these thought provoking questions. I only know I have been upset emotionally with the doctor's facts, I have been weary from days of tending to a man in pain, I have been bitter at the progressiveness of the disease, I have even been disappointed in God's decisions, and yet I believe that the Maker of Heaven meant it when HE said that HIS thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are HIS ways my ways. So, I am back to the simple truth I know, I CAN TRUST GOD.