Thoughts of Loss

Papa's brother passed into the portals of heaven last evening. It is bittersweet! He is enjoying the rewards of eternal life with Jesus Christ and we are still here striving to be more Christ-like even in loss. He was a very strong opinionated man, strict ethics, high morals and sometimes even legalistic. One of the qualities I admired about him the most was the legacy he forged in his children. The bible says our children qualify or disqualify us and well if you look at his off-spring they speak volumes of good stuff about their Dad. Papa always said his brother had excellent taste in women and I think that somehow filtered into my being picked to be Papa's wife. One of his best qualities was the ability to forgive even when he did not want to...in the end the Christ in him would win out and he would stop judging others and grant the priceless gift of forgiveness. May we all become better at this. We became family out of a difficult time but remained family out of personal choice on both sides to be accepted and loved. We will miss Ron, we loved him and we know he loved us! Our prayers for added grace during this season of transition for his immediate familyl.

Thoughts of pain and age, etc.

After a busy Thanksgiving week-end with lots of guests, I find myself with an ache in my shoulder. The intensity of the pain is unbelievable; I am having trouble putting my arm in my sleeve and raising my arm above my head. I don't feel old in my head, but the body is another story all together. I was blessed by Papa's revelation last year that our spirits never age, Hallelujah! It would be terrible to wear out all at once. Papa is trouping through everyday himself. His eyesight has deteriorated and there are some challenges ahead. God is still God and we trust in HIS infinite care of our lives. Can't wait for the awesome testimony that will come out of this ordeal. Look out, we will be more than conqueror's. How do I know this.... because God's word declares it to be so. Everything that comes our way is a testimony in the making. Praise God for HIS never ending care of our lives. Pain is fleeting, but life in Christ is eternal.

Challenging Thoughts!

Went to a spiritual renewal seminar where a clip of Brene' Brown's was shown. Very challenging to consider our own response to shame....what drives our behavior? I am trying to live authentically in a world that is less than enthused about absolutes. Trying to process through the facts that were presented and find the truth that God wants me to walk out in my own life. I am so grateful to the Spiritual Team at the local hospital for making these ministry days available. I left challenged, renewed in my calling to serve others and refreshed by the fellowship of others. God is able to make all grace abound and I am often so in need of "all grace". Having found myself living in HIS favor I want to give thanks for HIS unfailing faithfulness in every situation. May my life reflect HIS nature and not my own. Wow, God what a challenge, for you to increase in me so that I might decrease and become lost in the shadow of WHO you are.

Thoughts of Popa

The call came early Saturday morning, Popa was in the hospital and not expected to live for more than three days. A hurried suitcase packed and tickets obtained and we were off to Arizona. Arrived late at night, stopped by the hospital. Popa wanted his son to stay for awhile. So, daughter no. 1 and I went to Applebees for the first real meal of the day just short of midnight. Lucky us, it was karoke night and the talented singers stayed home. Picked up Craig and headed to the hotel. Short night of sleep and back to the hospital to greet Popa and Grandma Mary for the day. Hard decision to be made and Popa was moved out of ICU up to 5C to wait for the sentence of death to play out. Hard to watch and wait for a loved one to take his last breath. Hard to watch the family dynamics play out. Wonderful opportunity for goodbyes to be said. Popa's son stayed at the hospital all night with his step-mom. Our daughter had to leave the next day to return to her own family and just about 9:25 p.m. Popa breathed his last breath. The mayhem of planning viewings, rosaries and funerals took up our time for the next few days and then following a funeral in Sun City West, Popa's body was flown back home to Stockton for a second funeral. My husband, son of Popa gave the eulogy quite eloquently, I might add. Lots of drama and lets face it trauma when you lose a loved one. Trying to recuperate, rejoicing that he is with the Lord and planning to continue to live our lives with purpose and meaning that goes beyond the grave. Popa will be missed. We loved him and we came to know that he loved us.

Never enough time!

Never enough time to spend all the time with the kids, grandkids, family and friends we want. Never enough time to get all the things done I had planned to do. Never enough time to enjoy the quietness of the day. Never enough time to do all the crafting I enjoy. Never enough time to see all the sights and wonders of the world we live in. I realize I must make the time for what is really important or it slips away too. Grateful to know the ONE who is not bound by time and is available all the time. God is good. We have loved being in Oregon this summer, realized how quickly time is passing and how big our grandchildren are getting. We have loved watching them play in the backyard, run on the soccer field and catch passes at their football game. Life is full and rich and we are truly blessed. So, thankful for each moment spent loving and being loved. Eternally thankful for the love of God!

Calmer Thoughts!

Life is full of ups and downs! It's the down times that cause most people to trip up. I hope that as I age I can roll with the punches and enjoy even the toughest of times. I am currently in unchartered waters but trying to enjoy the tide. Riding the waves has always been a bit a of a challenge for me as I get seasick; really seasick. Like just walking out on the dock makes my stomach turn. So, what does a queasy person do when there is movement all around her? I have said for years I wanted to be made into the likeness of Christ, I am not sure that I should have signed up for that. That means my life is not my own, I must love the unlovely, be compassionate when I would rather not be, and serve with my whole being.....even if the recipient does not respond in like fashion. UGH? REALLY? If HE is the God of storm, surely HE has plan. I will trust HIM and find HIM faithful to lead and to guide me around, over, under or through this season of life. My thoughts are calm because I know who is in control, not because the waves of life have ceased.

Thoughts of time passing by!

I need to know what day it is. Popa has jury duty next week and does not want to miss it. He keeps asking me the date and I say "I don't have a clue." "Uh-duh" Popa replies, he has known for sometime that I don't have a clue and is just glad I have come to realize it on my own. (we are not just talking about the date here) For some reason neither one of us can keep the day of the week or the date of the month straight, we are simply living through the busy days of our lives. Maybe because it is not important to the tasks at hand. I am reminded that God is omnipresent. Time does not hold HIM captive. HE was, HE is and HE always will be! It is a comfort to be in HIS keeping, to trust HIM to hold the days of lives and to know nothing takes HIM by surprise. Thank you God for designing me to live in a world YOU created. I can trust YOU! YOU love me and accept me just as I am; my flaws don't surprise YOU or cause YOU to reject me. I am YOUR beloved and YOU are mine ALL THE TIME!

Where OH Where Have My Thoughts Gone?

Overdue Thoughts!

I cannot believe it has been a month since I posted anything on this blog. Time goes by no matter what. We have been busy entertaining Americans for the last ten days. We are taking the last one to the beach today and then to the airport at 1:35 a.m. to catch his plane back to Alaska. It has been busy but an enjoyable time. The weather is stifling hot, as it is once again April in Sri Lanka; proof that time goes by. I wore a sari yesterday and felt as if I would surely die, couldn't wait to don cotton shorts and a T-shirt. Besides all the heat and busyness there is one thing that never changes and that is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There is no shadow of turning in HIM! I am forever grateful that HIS thoughts towards me are never overdue, that His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every morning. HE is always right on time for every situation and I can count on HIS unfailing love! Thank you, Lord, for loving me! You are a good Father!

Sunburned THOUGHTS!

Yes, I am sunburned! Very sunburned in fact. Too much exposure to the tropical sun. Popa has blisters on this nose and neck, poor guy! I don't have blisters just red lobster looking skin, really red. Even my feet are sunburned, owie!!!!!! Monday here in the East, getting ready for another week without too much sun exposure. I will definitely try to be much more careful. There is one SON in which overexposure is never a problem, in fact the more exposure there is the greater the reward. May I be all over being in the brightness of HIS light this week.

Multiplication THOUGHTS!

I hear that five, yes you read it right, five more grandchildren are being added to our family! Yeah, Kara and Jason. Much prayer will be needed, but much grace will be given. Ages 3 to 14, adoption sometime late 2011.

Thoughts about Momma!

Today marks one year since my Mom went to live in Heaven. I miss her more than I could have ever imagined. Her voice is one of the things I miss the most. I also miss her unconditional love. She loved me and the call of God upon my life; she championed the missionary in me like no other. While I miss her, I am extremely grateful that God was merciful and did not allow her to linger here on earth in mental torment. Her mind digressed rapidly during the last few weeks and she retreated deeper and deeper within her confusion. God is healing my memories and I am thankful I have had HIM to walk with through this past year. Good friends have stood with me through the mourning process and I delight in the provision of a truly just Heavenly Father. God is good and does all things well, I trust in HIS ways and I delight in HIS never ending mercies. I am delighted HE made it possible for me to honor my Mom and her wishes right up to the end. Momma, I miss you but I know you are waltzing around the throne of the God you taught me to love.

Thoughts of 2010

The year has passed with many changes. My mother passed away on February 16th and I am still feeling her absence. She truly loved me and respected me beyond anything I deserved. I miss her voice and her wit. My husband always found her so witty and enjoyed her humorous ways even in the waning of her mental capacity. There are days I just long to hear her voice, but to no avail. I have faced amazing acceptance this past year in places I did not expect to find it and rejection in all the old familiar places. Life is interesting and hopefully we grow in wisdom with the passing of time. I have found friendship to be sweeter as the years go by. My daughters, their wonderful husband and the grandkids fill my heart with warmth that only mothers and grandmothers know. My husband continues to grow in faith and knows first hand the joy of added days to his life. He has become my hero as he has faced much physical pain without complaint and has learned to trust God for everything. Purposeful living has become our mantra and we are blessed/happy to have found such a rewarding lifestyle. God has been our constant friend and the keeper of our ways. Looking forward to 2011 with great faith.